About Me

In Spring 2009 I had the “call moment” if there really is one. At the time I was assistant director for student activities in the department of student life at the University of Vermont. So basically a cruise ship director for college students. Being a student affairs person is a lot more than that, as my work schedule would make clear. I was starting to get really sick of the privilege and nastiness of some of our students. The one’s I worked with directly, were and still are pretty awesome, but the general feel of a New England college campus feels homogeneous and stuffy.

Now I am a Black woman from Brooklyn who happens to play the bassoon and was raised by angry/strong (depending on your perspective) Black women who hail from the island of Jamaica. While I grew up working class, our finances did not affect our social class, as per most immigrant families who grew up middle class in their home country. 

What was going on for me is this–I was burnt out from my job and had a crisis of career. What am I doing with my life and does anything that I do now actually mean something? How can I do a better job at impacting the world in a positive way? A lot of my time at UVM was spent in diversity trainings thinking about issues of inclusion; almost every year I go to music camp and get to learn what inclusion really means. I am an educator, I curate community, I am a cradle Episcopalian and have no shame in that, I believe in God, most of the time I have a really great and contentious relationship with The Church, I believe in the Holy Spirit. So during my crisis moment I started looking at seminary (when in doubt go to school) and as I read on about the MDiv programs I thought, “I should just become a priest.” Now that statement felt so natural and completely frightening all at the same time. All kinds of doubts surfaced and then I decided to pray on it.

So that summer I got the best music assignment. I was directing the session, which mostly consisted of telling people what to do from a porch in the woods of New Hampshire and playing John Steinmetz’s bassoon sonata. Let’s just say it was life transforming. As I sat on a rock in the middle of Nelson Pond (see image above – I go back every summer to sit there) and looked at God’s BLUE sky and GREEN trees and WHITE fleeced sheep grazing the fields, all I could say was YES…i will pursue this call.

This blog was started with the intent of exploring that call. It has been inconsistent, I didn’t get ordained, but I have done a bunch of other stuff that feel like a response to that call on that Rock. What I have learned is that responding to God’s call is a life long process. Following Jesus and doing what is needed to support God’s Kingdom isn’t just about who pays you, but how you move through the world. So I continue to ask questions and I continue to pursue a call even if it isn’t to ordained ministry.

WHAT THIS IS:

My personal exploration of God, my thoughts on religion and life, my personal struggle with all that is said about and by Christian folks from a variety of traditions, and my commentary on the general religious, God created world around me. And mostly my struggle with this thing called free will–I get that I should be able to make decisions freely, but why are other people granted the same amount of discretion? oh and sometimes I might actually talk about the discernment process. Once I made my way to seminary I wrote about the process of ordination for my thesis, so you will probably get pieces of that as well.

WHAT THIS IS NOT:

Some kind of treatise that will explain God to you or the thoughts of the church that I am a part of. Really I don’t speak for all Christians and I while I am not an expert on many things, I went to a liberal arts college and I studied at Union Theological Seminary so I’ve learned some things that have been useful.

YOUR ROLE:

Come along for the journey and see where it takes us. Feel free to comment and engage in the exploration process with me.

Wondering about my professional skills? Take a look at my resume: