REMINDER: I/You/We are worthy of God’s love and are chosen by God not by our hearts.

Ephesians 3:14-21 (bold my emphasis)

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know his love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

There is a lot of hate we can through on Paul, but what he does so well is help me to remember this: God is love, God’s love is revealed through Christ, this love is freely given,  and we are to share that love in community with others. The prayer for the Ephesians is so beautiful. It reminds us that it is through God’s love that we are transformed, that this love already exists without our request. The power is within me to accept that love and let it invade my “inner being, so that Christ may dwell in my heart through faith.”

1 Samuel 16:7

But the lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

I certainly hope so…

Hey All out there. I really like this group and feel like we should support… Urban High School students learning to be farmers!! It sounds so amazing my heart is open. Check out their blog and help them get started. This Saturday, May 19th from 10-2. http://hspsfarm.blogspot.com/

When I was growing up in the neighborhood, I could never imagine students at Wingate High School even thinking about anything remotely close to the system of oppression through food desserts. There are some things about new Brooklyn that make it a really great place to live.

Using food as a tool of oppression… that seems like it should be an upcoming blog post. I might have to actually think on that a little more… Let me know your thoughts.

I struggle with the concept of activism. Am I just one sitting on my ass waiting for the world to change? I complain about those people a lot and there are certainly days when I am. But if I am not out their yelling on the streets, am I a sell out? Can I see myself as a contributor to the world? I think so…I don’t know that one’s activism has to be loud: Mine certainly expresses itself in quieter ways.

I suck at attending protests and really engaging, partly its a belief that protests don’t really change much in today’s world. People are kind of stuck in their ways and angry about everything and yelling all the time. Protests are necessary so that politicians know what people are actually angry about and when a protest is focused, it can actually cause change.

For me the real activism comes from the act local–think global concept. I try to at least know a lot of different kinds of people and engage with those folks in contexts that are comfortable for them. Now they don’t have to all be my friends, but at a minimum we can break bread or had a beverage in our local watering whole. This concept really solidified for me after meeting Emily Scott who with others started a dinner church called St. Lydia’s. I was like, “OF COURSE.” What I want to know is your story, tell you mine, and to pass the truth of our tales to places where that truth hasn’t been spoken. The goal is not to objectify or engage in an oppression pissing match, but an opportunity to experience another perspective.

In grad school I had a professor who gave me the poem “this bridge“. It’s from the book “the bridge cross my back” that includes a number of essays by radical women of color. A part of me is resentful for being this bridge and there is another part that wonders if this is not everyone’s work. So instead of just being the bridge for those of privilege to voyeur into oppressed people’s experiences; there might be an opportunity for multiple bridges to be built across communities of difference. If we can build enough bridges, then none of us have to drown. And I hope that our building of bridges allows future generations to not have to be so purposeful, but rather are more natural in their experience of authentic, peace based relationships with those that don’t look like them or grow up in their neighborhood.

All this to say that the conversation below was posted a little while back, but after hearing the podcast from “Tell Me More” I just felt my spirit say: “and that is my ministry:To figure out how to bridge gaps“

And this conversation outlines what I think is needed today.

 

MARTIN: Well, before you go, Anand, the implicit message of your piece is that there are lessons to be learned, particularly by the U.S. from the example set by, particularly, Brazil, which has had a lot of these factors. I mean, we didn’t talk about race, but you know, racial division is certainly a part of life in Brazil, you know, grotesque economic inequality, sluggish growth, you know, debt and so forth.

And you talked about the need for people to sort of move past their ideologies and embrace different points of view and be pragmatic and fact driven about the economy and there’s an implicit criticism here of the U.S. that, you know, the U.S. should do this.

You know, President Obama said during the campaign, famously, in this exchange with – you remember Joe the plumber. He said, look, I think things work best when we spread the wealth around a little bit and then that became something that his political opponents used to bludgeon him with. He’s still trying to kind of maintain this point of view in kind of reaching out across the aisle to the point where members of his own political party are criticizing him.

What do you think, based on your reporting, not just in Brazil, but also in India – what does it take to break that gridlock? Is it a powerful personality? Is it, what, people from the business community reaching out? What is it? Is it people outside of government demanding that they do so? What is it?

GIRIDHARADAS: Let me take a moment to kind of make the implicit point explicit and you could talk about what leaders need to do, but I’m going to skip that because I don’t really have much hope in them right, at least.

Let’s take a moment to ask your listeners, who are educated, thoughtful people, to pause the blame on Washington, who deserves to be blamed, but let’s just put that on pause and ask each of ourselves in what way we might need to get over ourselves.

What can each of us do to get out of this hole? What ideas that we’ve clung onto for 40 years can we accept are no longer valid in light of new realities? What principles can we let go of? What idea from the other side, even within our own family debates, can we say have some sense?

And we need to look around and say, whether it’s by working harder; whether it’s by being better parents who, you know, unplug the video games; whether it’s any number of things that actually the government has no control over; whether we are living up to what we need to do to get this country out of what is a very, very deep hole right now.

MARTIN: OK. So I’m going to put the question to you. What are you doing to get over yourself?

GIRIDHARADAS: That’s a great question. I’m, you know, sitting on NPR. No. I think, for me, it’s a question of – I’ve spent a lot of time this year traveling to parts of this country. You know, I live on the East Coast. I live in places where, although I don’t take public stands, I’m surrounded by liberals and I’ve spent a lot of time in this country talking to people who have very different views than the people I live around and trying to see kind of what’s in common beneath those conversations.

And you know what? There’s a lot in common. It requires some intelligent reframing to make people see commonalities that they don’t otherwise see. To me, the Tea Party and the Occupy movement are, in many ways, saying the same thing, but it requires a bit of imagination to get people to see that.

One of my good friends is really supportive and active of the OWS movement. In theory, I am also. But I have very complicated feelings around the whole thing. Do I believe in economic equality? YES!!! Do I think that everyone should have equal access to education? YES!!! Do I think that social movements need to start working across issues instead of in issue? YES!!! Am I comfortable with the methods and ways that OWS has chosen to engage in this work…sometimes…. The post below was originally posted on my other blog 11.02.11 it outlines my feelings then, and with a couple of edits, my feelings today. Still to be covered, just criticizing without offering another option is my biggest pet peeve, so what’s next for me?

Occupy Wall Street

• Brief Overview
• Reflection on some of my experiences down there (2 times)
• Faith Overview
• What does it mean to be an activist?
• Religion and Activism
• So what about me?

The Overview:

In early September a group of people decided to go down to wall street and occupy it. The general motivation, the drastic and growing economic inequality in today’s society. For example, there are those who get paid a lot of money to sit at a desk and send e-mails (i could be one of them) while the person who cleans the toilet makes minimum wage or a little higher–at least they are in a union. At times I feel bad for this choice: I don’t get up early in the morning to do about 15 jobs just to make a slightly bit more than the poverty line. But while I wallow in my guilt I can also look up and see those that are also single and childless making 5 to 10 times my salary by exploiting those who work a variety of low end jobs just to make ends meet. For the moment, let’s push aside my own guilt and focus on the OWS movement as it has come to be called.

Pretty quickly the peaceful non-anarchist part of the movement has moved into Zuccotti Park. And it has become abundantly clear that while folks are characterized by conservative media as a rag tag group of misfits, they are actually children of the middle class-elite sector of society. Most of the people running things down there are college educated folks who are in debt and can’t find employment in the places when they were told they would be abundant. This is not a movement established by the bottom 25%, but more like the middle 35%. While it is a movement by the people and for the people, we aren’t talking about all the people. The lack of people of color, intense coalition building with other grassroots organizations before coming out into the public sphere is apparent. But this seems to be a choice rather than a missed opportunity. The goal is to engage in a different kind of democracy, one where several voices are heard and then decisions are made on a 9/10th vote. If 90% don’t agree, you have to come up with another solution. The underpinning of White privilege and elitist educated culture oozes throughout the movement, not because I believe that people are trying to create some kind of exclusive movement or actively engaging in behaviors to keep people of color out of the space, but you can’t help who you are. (Although I am a woman of color from a working class background, I am also a member of this elite group that I am describing).

If one only knows these spaces, then the idea of creating open space is necessary. I have two friends that exemplify the divergent poles within any movement that is going to address economic inequality:

1. Ms. X

Now  Ms. X has one interest: the upliftment of Black people into their rightful place. She will inevitably say some pretty awful things about White folks and is unapologetic. She believes that White people have been so entrenched with racism that they can’t help but be racist and there is not possible way that they will ever be redeemed from their history of racism. She hates Christianity and any religion that has colonized Black people. I don’t know if hate is the right word here. I think she doesn’t focus any of her energies into anything that would possibly distract from her work and focus on Black folks who know that they are Black working together for a Black community that engages with “the light.” If you aren’t down for that, then it’s hard for Ms. X to really take you seriously. This could characterize Ms. X as a mean spirit, but she is the opposite. She loves herself, her friends and her community. If you are White she loves you too, but she doesn’t see her work as working with you. It’s complicated.

So her response to the OWS movement is, “they’re just some crazy crackers trying to do what they always do, not realizing that they are placating to the system.” (now I don’t condone the use of that word for White folks, but I’ve felt that moment and I understand).

For me, I get where Ms. X is coming from, I love her dearly because I’ve known her for a long time. There is much wisdom in her words and she has taken a lot of time to think through the complexities of every situation. But I think that the upliftment (not a passive outsider doing to, but an active verb where one engages in processes that make life better for self and community because self cannot be separated from community) of Black folks is intimately interconnected with the fight against economic inequality because at the end of the day what we are fighting is GREED. Bernice Johnson Regan did a presentation at UVM once about this and I join her band wagon! It is greed that fuels racism, it is greed that fuels economic inequality, the destruction of the planet (which will affect the brown and the poor more than anyone else), etc… You name the problem and it boils down to greed. So for me OWS is integrally connected to my concerns for Black folks in America and throughout the diaspora.

II. Ms. Y

Now Ms. Y is a White woman and she has recently (within in the past two years or so) discovered the falsity of the American dream. She has chosen to not work in a position that would yield a salary beyond a livable wage. She thinks that working an office job sucks the life out of you (partly true) and therefore doesn’t want to be involved in that system. But here’s the thing–she works for people who are involved in “the system.” By osmosis, no matter what you do for employment, you are a member for the economic system. One may choose to do many things to be less greedy and stay away from that kind of world, but most of her friend network are people who come from privilege. Almost all are college educated, with advanced degrees. Basically most of her friends are the kinds of folks in the park, with lots of book knowledge, really intelligent individuals who have often chosen poverty. It wasn’t something that they had to accept. The weird thing is that Ms. Y grew up kind of poor and then “got out.” I often feel like she sees me as a sell out because I haven’t decided to engage in this process, but I think it would be disrespectful to ancestors who sacrificed not so that I could choose my future, but so I could have a future that was much less  difficult than the roads they traveled. My choice to find employment that pays me well and is drone-like is out of obligation, not choice. Bohemian life style, not my thing, but the decor is cool.

Also, you could see Ms. Y and think spoiled–but she’s anything but spoiled. She doesn’t try to be racist, but racist things come out of her mouth. We have great honest conversations across our differences and privileges. We went to the same college, she’s White and I’m Black, we’re both straight. But I grew up more socially middle class. She grew up working class, but more focused on the American dream. She always thought it possible to pull one’s self up by their boot straps until the struggles of her family. But I was taught the opposite, you better work the system, kiss ass, and figure out how to be a weasel or you won’t make it through this American system (my family may think it uncouth to put it that way, but when you simmer the lessons down, there you go).

So if you can’t guess by now Ms. Y has been all about the movement. It is a strong and powerful motivation in her life. She goes down on a regular basis and sees herself as a part of something. Most White folks don’t get that feeling because White is seen as normal, so there is little belief in there being a group identity. In college she embraced her statehood, but other than that, I haven’t really seen her connected to a politically based social anything before. And that is awesome. Do I feel like I am a part of something when I’m down there–not really. Mostly it reminds me of my college experiences where I try to explain to people of color what the White folks are doing. Almost everyday I say–I’m going to go down, but there is always a reason why I don’t.

Both of my friends kind of represent extremes of this stuff. The people of color who don’t see that this movement is about them and the White people who are all wrapped in the kool aid. Now just because you drink the Kool Aid doesn’t mean that you don’t have some issues with the flavor.

Two to three months later and everyone is frustrated. Those inside and outside. When you have a movement that hasn’t defined what success looks like, it’s hard to say if you are winning or losing, but maybe its not about that.

OWS is winning by: creating a community, getting the elite (even if they don’t know they are elite) to care about something that isn’t themselves. The Park and the society that has been built in the park is amazing, the way that folks are able to work together to build a strong community reminds me of the best parts of Vermont. But that tends to work, when most of the folks look alike. As the movement becomes more diverse, I will be intrigued to see if they are able to maintain that sense of positive community. The police are getting a shit load of overtime. Oh and the media every once in a while has to actually engage their guests in real conversations about economic inequality.

The media still hasn’t actually called people out on this phrase “class warfare”: I still don’t understand how class warfare is telling rich people to pay their fare share from what they have earned, and not when we let children go hungry in this country or allow strong, able bodied, intelligent people to end up in prison instead of engaging in innovative practices that could transform our country for the good, but I digress.

OWS is losing: there is organization, but not a lot of visible progress. No policies will change, no politicians are going down and engaging. The right wing tries to be present, but there is little dialogue. The place looks more like a police state where they are stuck in a bull pen than a movement that is controlling or occupying any part of Wall Street. It is pretty much business as usual, except for the barricades that annoy everyone.

Religion and OWS

So if you don’t already know OWS has an interfaith coalition that has been working on ways to support the movement. Now it is interfaith in the same ways that most things are interfaith: There are a lot of different Christian groups and then a rep from some the other Abrahamic religions  (kind of the same problems that I discussed earlier. when there are many Christians gathered, it means that other religious people don’t feel welcomed, not because Christians are actively trying to keep out other religious folks, but we tend to recruit people we know and when your circle of friends “look like you” then you tend to have a movement that is insular.)

But now that I have addressed the obvious. Just because OWS or its off shoots aren’t perfect, doesn’t mean that they are bad. Here is a clip from the religious folks:

If you would like to see the best video. Visit Judson Memorial Church’s website.

Ok, I think this is long enough. Now that I have covered the complicated things in my head regarding this movement—soon I will talk about personal connection and action. What the hell does this have to do with my spirituality?

This is the phrase that comes up ever so often in this process of discernment—there’s no rush. But once you have heard a call, it’s been confirmed by others, it feels urgent. I feel a burn in my belly that now I know what I am supposed to be doing with my life, building a community of people who are in need of love and seek it from God. It’s kind of an amazing life.

I am reading Paulo Coelho who always puts me in a place. It’s a peaceful place. I realized that if I decide that at this moment, working a grinding job where I get paid well and have my own place allows me to create a space for me and others. This is exactly where I want to be at this moment.

I do desire life companionship and it would be great to have a different kind of love as I go through this process. But discernment is about surrender and vulnerability and opening to what is possible. The discovery of the true self–that’s a lot of work.

It’s morning at work and I am trying to recover from hanging with a fabulous person yesterday. I had dinner with the new Youth Ministry director of Long Island and it is wonderful to begin the building of new relationships and connections in this diocese. Long Island is a complex place where one experiences complex emotions. To love something even though you see the faults of this moment and this place is an interesting experience. In many ways I went through the same thing in VT when I started going there…seeing all that is wrong with a place before seeing all that is wonderful. I guess that is what Coehlo is talking about in the book. The other is the bitter person that refuses to see the beauty in life, that is not my true self. How will I manifest this truth in my everyday life? I will begin to invite the me that is hiding to emerge and be ok with the consequences of encountering and loving that which is me.

 

5.10.12 The irony of this post is that the discernment process in long Island is much faster and I realized this after I had made peace with a long slow process…but now I am still awaiting an e-mail from the diocese that I should have received three weeks ago. God’s time…

I’ve been watching TD Jakes on Youtube in order to disrupt the silence of office work. Consistently he talks about not going to a dead church or if you are really trying to be at church there would be a “holy ghost explosion.” But I wonder if we can’t do that quietly. If I am jumping up and down and running around the church and shouting, that doesn’t necessarily mean that something is happening in my heart or in the way that I am going to be with others as I step out of the church.

I have been talking to a variety of young people who keep wanting a preacher to preach. The impetus for going to church has everything to do with an inspirational leader who gives a sermon that sounds good to one’s ear. What I read into this experience are people that see a connection with God as coming from outside inspiration rather than internal work. In truth, the priest is an unnecessary necessity. I go to church to connect with God in community with others. What matters is the congregation around me, not what is happening up at the altar.

How much more amazing would church be if we all fully participated, if we all shared in the Eucharist like it was Sunday dinner with our beloved family instead of a chore that is to ticked off a list of things to do. All this to say that an inspirational leader does not always come from the “lively” preacher, yelling and asking people to jump up and down for Jesus. To listen in the quiet spaces that is where I find God.Which is not to say that there aren’t people who find life transforming moments in the noise. I guess the point here is this: God is… how we come to know and how we express that God is… will be varied and complicated and personal and in communion with others. Whatever way you choose to know and be with God, is up to you, but I cannot think that your way is invalid and I pray that you understand and respect my way.

It would be interesting to swap one day and see what happens… I might be a little too Anglican for that though.

As I am at work wondering, what am I doing in/with my life and continue my discernment process–eventhough it isn’t official, here’s what i am thinking.

For a while now i have dreamed of opening something called “Tamara’s Living Room.” The concept:

I wake up–drive to some farmers or go to the farmer’s market in whatever city. Pick up some supplies, come back to the “restaurant” that looks like a living room and cook a simple meal. There would be two main dishes one veggie/vegan and one meat with a couple of side options, healthy dessert, and some general snackage. Dinner is ready around 4pm ish and people start to show up. I feed them, some folks may just need a cup of tea, a glass of wine, a beer or water. Others are hungry looking to eat. The entire meal will be by donation only. If you want dinner, it is served buffet style you pick up your plate, eat and then give something to cashier (it could be a penny or if you are ubber rich it could be $100). The space is set-up like a house. It would be the kind of thing where you can’t actually just sit with your group and you could come alone and still make a friend. The thing is there are no re-fills. Once the food is gone, it’s gone. And maybe once a week we have a dinner service like a St. Lydia’s kind of thing.

I’ve been watching a lot of TD Jakes and there was this one about changing the atmosphere. God is calling all of us to change the atmosphere of distrust and hate and contentious GREED. Well creating space around a table like the work of those folks at the “common table” is necessary. But its always a middle class White person that I see doing this work and there are plenty of people who aren’t middle class or White that need to feel comfortable as well. How can we create a spot for e’ry body? I think that is the kind of thing that I am being called to do. I tend to span a lot of cultural environments and I think it is possible to do something like this and for it to be pretty awesome.

I am starting to make connections within the diocese of Vermont and we’ll see what happens, but yeah I am scared. I feel more lost now that I know what I want to do than I did when I was first thought–I think I am supposed to be a priest. We’ll see how the process goes cause I also want to be a mom and a wife.

Giving up control—that’s what I’m supposed to do right?