Discerning discernment

In fall of 2020 to Spring 2021, I wrote a thesis reflecting on the experiences of women of color clergy in the Episcopal Church. Through interviews and reading what others have to say about the topic, I used a womanist theological lens to reflect on the institutional process of discernment for Holy Orders. My goal here is to summarize conclusions drawn from that research and offer next step solutions for addressing concerns raised in the stories of these women. 

I’ve told the story so often, that it seems trite to tell it again in this post. As I am extremely close to it being 10 years since my discernment was denied, it feels fitting to reflect a bit on my experience. The image for this post comes from a summer when I was in or attended a ton of weddings. It was my early 30’s so an appropriate time for the college educated to get hitched. Many of my religious, but spiritual friends asked me to participate in their wedding in some way. I was first asked to officiate the wedding where I ended up being a Bride’s maid and rocked that dress! But I said I couldn’t because I thought I would get in trouble if I got ordained online for their wedding. Somehow it would cheapen ordination and count against me for the more formal process in which I was then engaged. My heart still hurts a bit knowing that I could have married my friends. My heart still hurts a bit when I am in a deeply spiritual moment with someone and feel the urge to break the bread and take the cup. And I know that God’s will will be done and no institution can confirm what I know to be true in my heart. And it would be nice if they did confirm what I feel to be true. So it is from here that I reflect on discernment…surrender to the possibility that they got it right.

Fundamentally, it is clear that no one is excited about our current processes for discernment to Holy Orders and the lack of culture of discernment in the Church. But the truth is that the answer to our concern lies within our tradition. Christianity has a variety of resources for discerning one’s call. From Parker Palmer’s Let Your Life Speak to inventive diocesan processes, there are many tools that support individual exploration of what God might be up to in their lives. Rather than design another tool for discernment, I propose we focus on the infrastructure of the process. In particular, we need to focus on making what has been implicit, explicit.

1. There has been a conflation of little d and Big D discernment. Exploration of vocational call should be at least partially disentangled from the evaluation of a candidate for Holy Orders.
2. Commission on Ministry members are people who bring their own image of what leadership looks like and how it should be exercised in their context. 
3. Candidates often are forced to contort themselves into pre-conceived notions of ministerial leadership. Once ordained, these clergy are forced to reckon with a misalignment between what they felt called to and how they are currently engaging their ministry. 
4. Discernment has no timeline and is a life-long process that must be intentionally engaged for all orders of the church or we are left with stagnant, non-responsive communities that are not equipped with the skills to serve as God’s house of healing, love and liberation.

We don’t actually need completely new discernment processes, pick your favorite discernment exercises and do that. But we can build a framework for evaluating if your favorite process is actually allowing space for a loving, life-giving and liberating experience. If we can outline some parameters, then the diocese could contextualize this framework and build a responsive and malleable process that more aligns with the Anglican tradition. In fact, in our Constitution and Canons, (Title III: Ministry) we have a clear mandate to create a culture of discernment for all orders of the church. And it is the job of Bishops and Commissions to provide the culturally appropriate space and frameworks for such discernment to occur.

Let’s start with some quick practical solutions the Commission on Ministry (COMs) Committee, that every diocese is required to have, could encourage a culture of discernment.

1. Each diocese equips and trains at least one lay leader in each congregation to support discernment/clearness circles where any person can do spiritual and vocational discernment. These leaders could then be considered for the COMs, beyond nominations at diocesan conventions.
2. COMs must meet to explicitly review their preference, traditions and requirements in order to unearth often invisible biases. This is a two step process of individual and then group discernment
   1. Committee members must be allowed to have grace filled,  brave and vulnerable space to explore and address their personal biases. The goal isn’t necessarily to change one’s beliefs, it is to be clear about our personal visions of ecclesiastical and sacramental leadership.
   2. As a committee the individual reflections can impact how the group confirms what they believe are the requirements (traits candidates need to have in order to be postulants and candidates), the preferences (what it would be nice to see in a postulant or a candidate) and the traditions (an examination of all candidates, confirmed or denied, over the past 5-7 years in order to outline trends).
   3. The creation of a committee that reflects the communities of accountability that candidates seek to serve. This might mean inviting people to the discernment table, like youth, to participate in decision making processes.

The real goal with this work of building up the capacity of the COMs is not to say that no good work has been done. It is to say that something is broken and that we are constantly in a discerning relationship with the divine. I don’t know if I would have gotten a yes to my application for ordination. Truthfully, I don’t have a clue if I would be a great priest. But I do know that there are better ways to support the seeker, desiring guidance for their vocational path.