Please note that this will be read, so punctuation is probably horrible.
Coming out. We often think about “coming out” stories as experiences where one finally announces their sexuality to the world. I know a lot about coming out. As a Black single woman who loves wearing clogs and has no children I’ve had to come out as straight a lot. Yes I’m straight, I do still hope you will love me anyway. When I lived in predominantly White communities, people assumed that my single status must have been because I was a lesbian. It couldn’t have possibly been because White men just never asked me out on dates or the number of straight men of color was so small that I had either dated all two of them already and it didn’t work out or just didn’t want to date them at all. The important thing to know about coming out is it only happens when there is an assumption about what is/is not “normal.”
My friends from the LGBTQ community often speak of coming out as a process. At one level the person comes out to themselves and understands who they are. Little by little they start to let others know about their sexuality. As an experiment for my straight folks in the room, try never talking about your sexuality. For example, having a conversation with your best friend about someone you are dating and how amazing the date went, but not mentioning their gender. How hard would that be? Sometimes I like to do this to friends or family. Yes, I really like people who make me laugh. Just went on a romantic date with this person who’s just so amazing. That person is a great kisser and we just really enjoy each other’s company… It’s kind of awful, to not fully speak about this person that is making you happy. That’s what life in a closet looks like. To spend your life hiding some integral part of your story can be extremely painful and lead folks to dark places. Eventually one must choose between the consequences of living in the closet or stepping into the unknown. Merriam-Webster Dictionary says that coming out is to come into public view: make a public appearance, to become evident. To come out is to be in the light. In many ways coming out these days is often a less stressful process than it was even 10 years ago. I see teenagers of what I assume to be the same gender holding hands all the time and it really isn’t a big deal. This doesn’t mean that things are fine, but it really is getting better. Now a days coming out is something a lot of people do around a variety of things. The other day, I had a co-worker say, “ok, I’m coming out as a football fan.” You see he is a pretty liberal hippy type. He loves a wine bar and intellectual discussions about cheese. This is not someone you think would love a sport known for its brain injuries. Folks say that they are coming out in multiple ways, like ok, I’m coming out as bacon lover, I’m a closet vegetarian, I’m coming out as a smoker.
“Coming out”, really means being vulnerable enough to let you know my true self. I’m allowing you to know the person I am often not willing to share with others. I’m going to tell you about the person I have had to hide in order to make you comfortable in my presence. In other words, coming out means stepping into my truest whole self no matter how wonderful or how painful the consequences might be. Here’s the thing, holding back that truth can have devastating consequences and wonderful rewards. Often when one takes the leap they realize that they are stepping out of darkness and isolation. Revealing our secret self will allow us space to finally connect with someone who might be like us or at least understand our story. We come out to connect and fully be ourselves despite the pressure to do otherwise. So what does this have to do with Jesus?
These past couple of weeks we have been hearing readings about Jesus’ coming out story. We call it the season of Epiphany. This is a time when Jesus begins to reveal his divinity and experiment with what it means to be this divine human or for short hand “God-Man”. Epiphany is defined as an illuminating discovery, realization or disclosure and doesn’t that seem to sound a lot like coming out? In these few weeks between Christmas and Lent we see Jesus step into the truth of his identity to fully embrace it regardless of the consequences. Last week Jesus was in the synagogue revealing that there was something different about himself, he is challenging authority and then casts out a demon. They all wonder, “Who is this man and why can he do these things that we can’t?” Jesus starts to assemble his crew of allies; we like to call them disciples. They will be the people that have his back. They become the group Jesus can be true with. He can fully express his hopes about what revealing this “God-Man” identity is going to be like, fear what he will go through and what he will eventually die for.
Imagine this, you are growing up in Palestine just like everyone else and then you come to realize that what is going on inside of you, is not the norm. You can cast out demons and heal people, you are God… Do you really want everyone to know this? Should you really come out?
So this week, Jesus makes another step closer to revealing his identity. He shows up at Simon’s house, Simon’s mother-in-law is sick so he touches her and she gets up starts cooking them dinner. Then the disciple allies start outing Jesus and bring the neighbors by. Jesus starts healing like an episode of Oprah Show. You get a healing, you get a healing, and you get a healing, everyone gets a healing. Interestingly enough though, Jesus doesn’t let the demons speak because, “they knew him”. He is willing to come out as a healer, but letting folks know that he is “God-Man”, not so much. Eventually Jesus must embrace his humanity, he gets tired and overwhelmed and must find a place to recharge so that he can step further into his truth and be prepared for the work God has given him to do. In Verse 35 we see “in the morning, while it was still very dark, he got up and went out to a deserted place, and there he prayed.” When you are coming out, do yourself a favor and find private time for yourself to renew and uplift your spirit talk to God about it. Luckily for you it is almost lent a fabulous time to sit in the dark early morning and pray a bit. But I digress. After Jesus prays, his disciples come looking for him, his allies would not let him simply stay in that quiet place and hide from his destiny. And they say what I think is the true good news, “everyone is searching for you.” Listen to that again. EVERYONE IS SEARCHING FOR YOU.
There is a gift, a talent, a truth about you that maybe you have been hesitant to share with others. There is a story about your life that you have hidden from others for fear that it will make someone else uncomfortable or for fear that you may be harmed. But we are searching for YOU! YOU, the real true you. Now, I’m not saying you need to tell everyone your business, Jesus didn’t. So my challenge is this, what secret about your true self have you hidden from others? For example, I once had a student whose family was in a deadly car crash just before the semester started. He lost two siblings and a parent. All I wanted to say was I am holding you in my prayers, but I held back. The school I worked at was a public institution and many of my students didn’t hold spirituality at the front of their identity and so in an attempt to not offend I was holding this feeling inside. After 30 minutes of talking and figuring out how I could support him, I broke down and said: “I don’t know what you believe, but I just want you to know that I am holding you in my prayers and even God can’t explain why you are going through this difficult time.” Immediately the student broke open and cried and then we spent another hour talking God and how his faith was present in all of this tragedy. After that the word was out and my office became a safe space for many students who wanted to talk about their faith and spirituality. By coming out as Christian, I was able to allow others to come out about their spiritual practice as well and build deeper relationships. Coming out made me better at my job and a better human.
In Brene Brown’s Book, “Daring Greatly,” she says, “Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly.” Jesus is our Lord and savior for many reasons, but for me, this is it. Jesus came out and it was hard and it was painful, but he did it, he cloaked himself in vulnerability and showed up so that he could be seen. Jesus found himself in a community of people who needed him to come out, they needed his hidden gifts, for this was the door to liberation. Jesus shared this gift, came out and stepped boldly into his divinity.
Everyone is searching for YOU! Come out, come out wherever you are.
Pursuing Call 