It has now been a while since I got my, “we don’t see a call letter” and I am still trying to listen and then make a decision about what I am hearing. On one hand, I feel like God is calling me to stay where I am. There is so much work that can and needs to be done around the diocese and I know that I could be a catalyst for change. On the other hand, there is still this nagging, “you know you are called to sacramental ministry, it’s time to move across to the other diocese and start worshiping at a new church.” And there are people in my diocese who say that I shouldn’t give up here. But I don’t want to wait two three years before I find out what to do next.
It is a difficult and confusing time, but I am off to music camp and this has always allowed me an opportunity to listen to God’s call. That is my prayer. I feel like I am listening, but now I have to make a decision about all that I have heard. That seems to be more difficult than anticipated. Listening with ones heart open makes it more difficult to decide with one’s heart open.
The other day I had this thought, “is a relationship with God like an abusive relationship?” I know it isn’t God that does the hurting, sometimes its the church, but you have to go back to the thing that hurt in order to heal… It’s a little schizo or is that just me?
Pursuing Call 