So as the title of this blog suggests, God got jokes.
As I read today’s Forward readings, I came across Psalm 51, which is written about below. But I have been splitting up the readings and the others are Ecclesiastes, which by the way is the bomb, and the Jesus walking on water one. Now I have read that story a bunch of times but never in this order: Ecclesiastes 5:7 “With many dreams comes vanities and a multitude of words; but fear God.” Then we got Matthew 14: “Peter answered him, ‘Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.’ He said, ‘Come.’ So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came towards Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, ‘Lord, save me!’”
Ok so here is why this is so damn deep. As I was sitting here thinking, why am I still working in a job that isn’t what I think I am being called to do. I should just immerse myself in this possible priest thing. But if this priest thing works out, I think I will be praying to have these restful days back–just an aside. Really what I am saying is, “I’m big willy. I gotta be doing what God called me to do and this little thing right here is not boosting my ego enough.” You see it right—dreams=vanity; but fear God. I think I am learning a lot right now. It doesn’t mean that I am doing anything with this information. But I am learning that my job is not my identity. My self-worth does not come in what I do, but in how I be (thanks Iyanla). And having a position that I can leave at the end of the day is a helpful practice. Now the fear God part is that if I begin to lose my gratitude, then God will surely stripped me down until I know what I got and use this time as an opportunity to build and arm myself for the battle ahead. But then we get to Peter.
Now Peter had a dream–“Please let this Jesus dude be the son of God because I done left a whole bunch of important stuff in my life behind on a whim and a prayer”–a little like discerning for the priesthood and then going to seminary. At every opportunity Peter tries to convince himself through the doing that he is right: Jesus is the son of God and Peter is a Chosen participant in this revolution (image: Peter doing the cabbage saying, “go me, go me, i’m the bomb, i’m called!” ). I think that what Peter asks when he wants to come to Jesus is, “give me your strength and let me show you how much I trust you my home slice cause I need you to prove yourself, I need a clear sign!”
As the title of this blog says, when you ask god a questions, be prepared for the answer. Now I bet you that Peter didn’t think that Jesus would say, “well step out the boat then and come on down, what my walk, talk my talk, and carry my cross homie. If you wanna really be down and really want to know God’s truth, be in it with me…” At first blush I would think, “this is gonna be awesome, I’m about to walk on water.” But once you start the journey even the thought of failing can knock you over with a quickness. And this is what I think was happening for Peter and happens for me. To ask God–should I do this thing that seems so big and huge for me, but so easy for you, will I live up to your expectations? Will I have the faith to carry me over?
The redeeming is message is: Yes! Peter didn’t even have the faith to get to Jesus and he saw him in the flesh!!! Peter fell and did the most important thing in his fear and falling–asked for help! and Jesus stuck his hand out and helped him, then he berated him and said, “do better next time, just trust me!” Even more incredible this doubter is told, “you will be the rock of my church.” Homies; the first pope was totally fallible. As they say, “it’s not the falling that’s the sin, its the not getting up and asking for help to do so.”
I pray: the power to remember that God is with me, God is in me, God is all around me helping me through the mess. patience with myself so that I might have patience with other and space to make the mistake and carry on anyway.
Pursuing Call 